I haven’t been so nervous in a long time. I mean really nervous. I’m sick my head is not very rational. Plus the fact that I am just so blur now makes it worse. I’m still sick and I went to work today, got some important things done but still felt like falling on the table a few times. There is so much work to catch up now.

Tomorrow is my performance assessment. Sobs. The thought of it is killing me. Why am I so nervous? Sighs….Seriously I don’t even know why.

It’s a good thing right? I mean to see if I am doing work. Whether I am effective. Whether I’m improving. Still……why am I acting like this nervous wreck?

Good news is that Violet is back. Doctors found out the problem. Thank God. I missed her so much.

Life is getting back to normal soon. At last….and blogging will be too Is that good news?

Dear all, I’m sorry that I haven’t posted for some time. Actually I have so much to write about. Yet I have taken ill. Not only that, Violet is ill too. I’m so concern about her. Doctor’s can’t diagnose the problem. Sighs. For me, this is my second day on MC. Feeling very weak. I promise I’ll write more when I’m better. Pray for me and Violet ok?

Maybe she is sick because I’m sick too. She feels my pain with me. Our hearts are intertwined somehow hahaha. Maybe if I work hard to get better she also will get better. Hmmm haha just a random theory hahaha. What do you think?

It was supposed to be a retreat. Hmm. In Malaysia that’s supposed to mean like retreat away from work. But it seems like nowadays the word retreat means a whole lot of different things. So here we are having a Pastoral Retreat which means pastoral meeting somewhere not in the office but nicer. Hahaha. Amusing.

Where did we go? Sentosa…..13 years of not going to Sentosa, I’m going there for a retreat!……..meeting actually hahaha. Still I wanted to make the best of it. So I took pictures haha. They were wondering why this Leon is weirdly snapping away on something as casual as their retreat. So here are some pictures to share with everybody.

We went to a place called Sentosa Cove and basically was meeting at Marina Club. First thing I really liked about it were the boats I will never be able to own in my entire life!

Sooo Stylish leh

Some boats

More Boats

Man! I wished I owned one. So nice. There were so many of them. Probably owned by rich people around Singapore. So we walked pass all of that talking about how we never will own one but still happy cause we are not covetous haha. Then we came to the meeting place. I thought it looked nice so here are some pics.

View from the outside

I really like the interior design

Meeting Room

Why are we waiting?

Oh nevermind lets have some tea

Lets just stand around a tiny tray….its so fun

Ooooo so nice la this motif

I really like this wall motif. So there we were waiting and just enjoying some coffee and tea. Then we proceeded to have lunch. I couldn’t help it but I had to take pictures of every dish. The soup was the yummiest. So nice!! I was starving. Ooohh I must mention. I like the chandelier so much tooo.

The Restaurant

I think my boss is hungry too

Super Duper Yummy Soup

Something Yammy

Dim Sum which I could not eat sobs….I took my first bite and there was prawns…got a slight reaction to it

Something more I couldn’t eat. I’m sure it was tasty though

Super tasty chicken with the skin super crispy and nice….oooohhh yummy

Then came the fish that was really good. REallly GOOD!

My favorite!!! Vegetables. Give me more….sadly one small bowl only

In every meal there must be rice or I will die! Hahah. Fried Rice here. Not bad

Then came mango pudding for desert.

I must say that I really liked the food. Quantity wise sobss not enough for a pig like me. But its a very nice place to eat. Sadly again its a place I will not be able to afford to come back to. Well that gave me an excuse to take all the pictures….Oh wait…the chandelier…..

Don’t you think its nice? I was really admiring it

OK oK now Mike is going to start complaining. Aren’t we supposed to meet? What is with all this eating? Hahaha. Well you know la, supposed to be a retreat la. So must la do a little to make us happy before torture us with the hours of meeting right? Haha. So now here we are meeting for hours.

I see nobody is sleeping yet

My Super Boss!

Finished meeting!

We finished before it was dark! Haha thank God. I don’t think I’m able to withstand more. Information overload. It was like waaaa so much to remember. I also started to feel so inadequate. I’m grateful that it is not me who needs to be adequate but instead I just need to depend on my God who is adequate. Yes! I can do it! Right?

I got to the office early in the afternoon. Yeah that’s sooooo early hor hahaha. No la I worked late the day before so got to come in later la.

When I got to my desk I was pleasantly surprised by a new object on my very clean desk. I see some of you squinting your faces. Stop it! You look like a Pug My desk is neat other than the cobwebs made of PVC and copper. But what can I do? I’m trying to catch a fish…..ok ok I’m starting not to make sense to many of you but I think some of you will get it.

I can’t believe December is coming. The concert is nearer. sighsss….oopss diverted the topic again

Well, back to my new found object. It was placed on my desk with a little card on top.

It read something like this (Full details cannot be disclosed for the safety of those who wants to keep their privacy)

Dear Leon,

We’re sure your pet dog would have said this to you

Turn your compassion Godward, let him comfort you!

Ps.______ and Wife

The line that really struck me was about Loopsie saying the words on the gift was probably what Loopsy wanted to say to me. Here is what was given and why I nearly broke into tears the moment I read the words. ( can’t cry in my office)

I will always love you I promise

You’ll always be my very special friend

You have a special place in my heart

I enjoy being with you

It really felt as if at that moment, Loopsy who is now gone was right there whispering those words in my ears. I am even tearing as I pen this down. I miss her sooooooo bad. I am just grateful to God to use such means to assure me that she is in a better place.

Dear Loopsie,

I know I haven’t really deserve what you have given me but thank you for loving me and accepting me just as I am. I love you and pray that you are happy where you are at and no longer in pain. I just don’t know what to say except, thank you.

Your Brother,

Leon

This is the latest CD by Superchick. They are a POP/ROCK band which have been around for sometime. Had huge popular hits in both Christian charts and in the mainstream. Some songs were even used in some soundtracks.

So without delay. I put the CD into my computer and played it. Lo and Behold! I like what was coming out from my speakers. Sweet! The first song I heard because it was on shuffle mode was Breathe. I love it! I’ve heard is sooooooooooo many times now. That is a slow Ballad feel POP song but is just unique. There is just so much feel to it. Made of the basic chords but yet the flava to it was just wonderful. It is must hear. Lyrics were sooooooo timely to me too.

Then I quickly skipped to the first track and hit the shuffle off. And to my delight I loved this album from head to tail. It was rock but so retro and pop at the same time. Nice sounds. Great Mastering. Ooo. Seriously cute ‘chicks’ and rock hmmm some people love it. Hahaha

Oh well still in my opinion this album is really a great alternative for young people to hear. Clean lyrics. One of them is like this ‘girl power’ song hahaha. Still I wouldn’t just accept any song as Christian but I take this as good art.

Thumbs up to them for creating a sound I wanted to hear for such a long time. hehe. If you like mainstream rock. This is the album to get. If you’re a hardcore rocker, I think it won’t fit your taste.

Still it is an album that I would say is a must. It’s just so cool

Rating : 9.5

Attention Dear Readers:

I don’t know why but some have come to me asking if I have a girlfriend after the last post. Some even looked at the picture and thought that was a picture of her. Look carefully, it’s a child la. I thought she looked happy so put her there lor.

There are two things that I’m super duper happy about and many of you want to know what it is. It is not too personal but I think the right timing to reveal it is essential

Maybe, just maybe you’ll read about it soon ok? Hehe

Well here we are working in the office when suddenly Pastor walks up to me and hands me this. He said ” Leon since you have been around for a while now, you probably qualify as a CAMel” and he gave me this.

Hahaahaha. I’m officially a CAMel now!! Why CAMel? Well the ministry i’m involved in is the Creative Arts Ministry hence the CAM. So the adults call themselves CAMels and the youths CAMY. Pretty neat huh. Haha. But as you can see that badge is dated 2001. Hahaha it was just a tag he found while cleaning up his room and well gave it to me to encourage me. haha.

Oh well, it got me smiling and laughing. Thats probably worth more than money can buy right?

Two things have happened in my life in these past few days. These two things have made me the happiest man ever. I won’t tell you what it is muahahahahaha. At the same time, I’m stressed to the max hence the lack of blogging lately. I have two papers due today. And I’m like not even sure I want to pass it up. I have work that is way overdue in my office.

Worse still. I’ve got my goals to set for next year and a performance appraisal next week. Performance Appraisal? Whats that!!! I’d never have that back home. Aiyo I feel extremely nervous. Come to think of it, I just can’t accept a result sheet that says ‘fail!’ or ‘under-performing’. Sobsss. How many of you have done it before? Tell me how to prepare for it! I’m sooooooo nervous la.

But I guess I’m learning something new. Perhaps that is a good thing...they say when you stop learning you die. I’m not dead just yet!

I have been rushing assignments and everything gets pushed back that I feel so lousy. But I’m more than happy it is done. Done! DONE!

Back to blogging at last. I’m ssssssssoooo sorry. Reviews coming up. I have had some huge moments happening to me at all these times that I have yet to reflect on too. Ah.

Seeing Miracle’s video is just so so so exciting too!

There’s just so much to catch up. I noticed my readers are definitely disappearing too. Come back, Please! I lonely la. I miss you all

Sorry ewerrryyywannn…..I have been on a holiday for these past few days hence the lack or practically no updates. I went back to my home in Malaysia to spend time with my family and loved ones. What I didn’t expect was that this was going to be one of the most memorable and emotional time of my life.

I missed home. I was HOMESICK. Really badly. I must say I’m so grateful that my boss allowed me to leave though. So here I went and guess what. I missed my bus! I don’t want to talk about it but to cut the story short, I had to pay RM120 to buy another ticket. In those moments, I was contemplating why I should go back. Why should I? But my heart kept drawing me home. So I bought the ticket feeling so frustrated but in the next 10 mins when I was seated and was a little more calm. I was happy. I missed home so much. My family awaits me and I did ask my daddy to invite some of the church families for dinner so I could treat them.

When I arrived, I was soooo late. I rode my bike in the rain as fast as I could so that I wouldn’t have to keep the people waiting. When I arrived there were some youth downstairs and they helped me with my luggage. Thanks guys! It was much needed. When I went up, there were so many people there. I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react. I was so emotional and I just didn’t know what to do. I was so moved that people cared to come. They brought food too. It was a pot bless and many stayed all the way even though I was more than one and a half hours late. Honestly. I wanted to weep. Still I think I was more like a stone. I wish I could thank you all for coming. I was just speechless that day.

The next few days was just spent mostly with my parents and also my friends. I must say that these were one of the happiest moments of my life. Just relaxing and being around the people that mattered most in my life. I was literally ecstatic and filled with joy.

On the last day, things started to turn difficult. I was to spend the last night with Miracle and family. I started to feel lost. Knowing the time to part was getting nearer. Still being with Miracle was amazing. I mean I was supposed to do more but I just lazed in the house and played with her. She called me Kai Yeh all the time. It was soooooo nice. I gave her a present too. Her first bear! But she seemed more intrigued with my Omnia than bear bear. Hahahaha. By the time I had to leave in the afternoon. My heart was heavy. I said bye and Miracle on her own will likely give the typical bye or silent bye, but she said ‘Kai Yeh Bye Bye’. Sobs my heart dropped. I don’t think she knew I was not coming back for a long time.

I got on the bus so so sad. Then news that Obama won reached me and also news that Miracle was asking back home Kai Yeh where? Oh my heavy heart was rock bottom. By the time I was at the border, I knew it was time to have to say goodbye and reconcile it in my heart that I will not see the people closest to my heart anytime soon. I love them so much.

All I could think, was about the song ‘Homesick’ by Mercy Me at those moments. Does any of you feel homesick often? I do a lot. Anyone can tell me how to remain homesick but not be homesick? I don’t want to lose this passion of wanting to go home. Yet I can’t bear the pain of being apart each time.

These lyrics speak so much of how I feel right now. Lord please give me strength

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now