Sorry ewerrryyywannn…..I have been on a holiday for these past few days hence the lack or practically no updates. I went back to my home in Malaysia to spend time with my family and loved ones. What I didn’t expect was that this was going to be one of the most memorable and emotional time of my life.

I missed home. I was HOMESICK. Really badly. I must say I’m so grateful that my boss allowed me to leave though. So here I went and guess what. I missed my bus! I don’t want to talk about it but to cut the story short, I had to pay RM120 to buy another ticket. In those moments, I was contemplating why I should go back. Why should I? But my heart kept drawing me home. So I bought the ticket feeling so frustrated but in the next 10 mins when I was seated and was a little more calm. I was happy. I missed home so much. My family awaits me and I did ask my daddy to invite some of the church families for dinner so I could treat them.

When I arrived, I was soooo late. I rode my bike in the rain as fast as I could so that I wouldn’t have to keep the people waiting. When I arrived there were some youth downstairs and they helped me with my luggage. Thanks guys! It was much needed. When I went up, there were so many people there. I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react. I was so emotional and I just didn’t know what to do. I was so moved that people cared to come. They brought food too. It was a pot bless and many stayed all the way even though I was more than one and a half hours late. Honestly. I wanted to weep. Still I think I was more like a stone. I wish I could thank you all for coming. I was just speechless that day.

The next few days was just spent mostly with my parents and also my friends. I must say that these were one of the happiest moments of my life. Just relaxing and being around the people that mattered most in my life. I was literally ecstatic and filled with joy.

On the last day, things started to turn difficult. I was to spend the last night with Miracle and family. I started to feel lost. Knowing the time to part was getting nearer. Still being with Miracle was amazing. I mean I was supposed to do more but I just lazed in the house and played with her. She called me Kai Yeh all the time. It was soooooo nice. I gave her a present too. Her first bear! But she seemed more intrigued with my Omnia than bear bear. Hahahaha. By the time I had to leave in the afternoon. My heart was heavy. I said bye and Miracle on her own will likely give the typical bye or silent bye, but she said ‘Kai Yeh Bye Bye’. Sobs my heart dropped. I don’t think she knew I was not coming back for a long time.

I got on the bus so so sad. Then news that Obama won reached me and also news that Miracle was asking back home Kai Yeh where? Oh my heavy heart was rock bottom. By the time I was at the border, I knew it was time to have to say goodbye and reconcile it in my heart that I will not see the people closest to my heart anytime soon. I love them so much.

All I could think, was about the song ‘Homesick’ by Mercy Me at those moments. Does any of you feel homesick often? I do a lot. Anyone can tell me how to remain homesick but not be homesick? I don’t want to lose this passion of wanting to go home. Yet I can’t bear the pain of being apart each time.

These lyrics speak so much of how I feel right now. Lord please give me strength

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don’t understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I’ll ever know
But, even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I’m still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I’ll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow
Won’t You give me strength to make it through somehow

I’ve never been more homesick than now