Ordinary World - Katherine Mcphee

The sun can’t remember how to shine
And the colors all have faded into shades of gray
There’s no life in this hollow heart of mine
Ever since you went away

Close your eyes and feel me hold you
Can you lead me through this ordinary world
Let the sky cry, restless rain to wash away the miles
Between us, ’cause without you it’s just an ordinary world

If time could find a way to turn around
I would walk along the stars, till I was back at your door
Every word, every word is spoken but without a sound
And I found out what my heart is for

Close your eyes and feel me hold you
Can you lead me through this ordinary world
Let the sky cry, restless rain to wash away the miles
Between us, ’cause without you it’s just an ordinary world

Hold your breath, here I come
Time to roll on mine
Take back, to your arms
Till we melt
Underneath the blinding sun

Can’t remember how to shine
You’re the life in this hollow heart of mine

Close your eyes and feel me hold you
Can you lead me through this ordinary world
Let the sky cry, restless rain to wash away the miles between us
‘Till love can come redeem us ’cause without you
It’s just an ordinary World

I was so tired of my messy hair that I decided to cut it today! I asked advice from my beauty consultants and they refused to let me go bald so, I just trimmed it a little. Feels cooler now. But this is my most expensive haircut ever, converted to ringgit even if its the cheapest in Singapore. Painful on the pocket hahaha.

Step 1: before they chop my head off: Put cloth and prepare for spill

Step 2: Let him have his last stare

Step 3: Slice and Dice

Step 4: Ahhhh so much of my head is being chopped off

Step 5: Smile, Dead Man’s Pose

Step 6: Side Profile also needed for records

Step 7: Prepare for impending doom, They are going to make you pay for chopping your head off!

So what do you think?

Question of the day: Why do we pay them so much to chop off part of our head?

I heard this song sung today, I felt the emotions so real. Besides that fact its a beautiful song. Celebrating Christmas away from my loved ones is taking a huge toll on me. This song is dedicated to you

Merry Christmas Darling - Carpenters

Greeting cards have all been sent
The Christmas rush is through
But I still have one wish to make
A special one for you

Merry Christmas darling
We’re apart that’s true
But I can dream and in my dreams
I’m Christmas-ing with you

Holidays are joyful
There’s always something new
But every day’s a holiday
When I’m near to you

The lights on my tree
I wish you could see
I wish it every day
Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say

That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too
I’ve just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you

[Instrumental]

Logs on the fire
Fill me with desire
To see you and to say
That I wish you Merry Christmas
Happy New Year, too

I’ve just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you

(Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas - Darling)

My life is flashing past me lightning fast. I finish something, and the next moment, I’m rushing something else. The amount of things happening also is crazy! It is only going to get worse. So much worse. I need a break. I am praying for a long break in January to pray and seek for wisdom for the next year.

This post is just an update on me. Emotionally, I’m worse than a roller coaster now. Contributing factors; lost of loved one, celebrating Christmas away from home, losing grip of the most precious thing in my life, overwhelming amount of work, my eye giving me problems and the list goes on and on and on.

Still in spite of this, I’m counting my blessings and I’m going to post all the great things the Lord is doing in my life.

So in spite of all this I decided to make myself  happy. To spoil myself just to be happy. So I got myself an Iphone. Ok ok I didn’t get it myself ok? It was a gift! Yes a gift! Wooooohoooo.When I mentioned it casually to someone that I wanted to spoil myself to make myself happy, that person decided to spoil me too. I am spoilt or what! Thank You God!

Just not long after that, I received news that my brother has got engaged! Lucky Him! I would trade anything to be engaged hahahahaha. Lionel and Charity, I wish you all the best in life! You can always count on me to be there! Remember who brought you together and always remember how God has given you the privilege of loving one another.  You deserve each other at the same time you don’t So treasure each other.

The choir did marvelous yesterday! They listened to all my advice. I’m so honored. I was really really happy yesterday because all their hard work was well worth it! Their love and appreciation is just so overwhelming. It has carried me through all these moments. The presents and gifts and more importantly the prayers you have showered me is really really really encouraging.

If I go on writing about all the blessings I received, I would not be able to stop. Looking back, I am ashamed that I didn’t see God there all the time. I knew He was. I just didn’t realise He was there giving me strength. I do not deserve all this. Yet He by His grace showered me with love.

Speaking of love, Jan 11th is coming soooooooo near. Aiyo I still have no date….cough cough….hahahha. I told you I’m gutless and won’t ask anyone out hahahhaa. Oh well. Well see, I’m just going to focus on finishing my work first.

Anyways, when things settle down, I will start doing the reviews again. Imac, Iphone, Cds. I’m going to do more detailed reviews of cds  every week. This is so that I can let the music team here improve and get inspired hopefully. There is more to come, so much more. I’m excited, also quite nervous la….too much work hahahaha.

Just looking forward to see Miracle and Rachel in Jan. That will motivate me enough! Go Go Go!

It has been really rough for us here in the church ever since he has been hospitalized. Everyday, the first thing I would do is to check on Pastor’s status to pray for him. I remember all the emotions and questions running through my head daily. None of which I have found the answers. It felt like before I could even breathe, he was brought back to be with the Lord. It has been so tough to wrestle with this that I pushed back writing this post because I honestly could not find the right words to say. I still can’t.

Pastor David had a profound impact on my life. Since being here, he is my gadget buddy :). We talked about gadgets and comps whenever we met. In fact the phone he desired just came out. I wish we were talking about it. It is one of those moments which light up my day.

Other than that, I just always felt comfortable with him. He was frank, approachable and even more he takes the effort to talk to you. I mean me being the shy guy, I wouldn’t go up to anyone lor. I will always remember him always coming up to me and just saying a thing or two and trying to start a conversation. It was comforting.

The last words he said to me still rings in my head all the time. I even remember praying for him just a few days before it all happened. Honestly why does someone so good who dedicated his life to the Lord has to be taken from us. It is people like this that becomes family to you. It is people like this who you need so much in your life.

Being at his wake and funeral, it was so moving to see the hundreds that were there. To see all of them paying their respects only speaks so much of a man. Will I be able to live a life like his? His life has inspired me to keep pressing on.

All I can imagine though is that Jesus stood up and welcomed Pastor David Yeo into his presence and saying ‘Well Done!’. I also know he will be praying for me in heaven. He will always be praying and cheering Sharon and Joshua on. So we must press on and live out the legacy he left behind.

I miss him. I truly do. I wish I had more time to know him more. I know though one day we will spend eternity together. Until then. I just want to say thank you Pastor.

Cuuuhhhh! Cuuuuuhhhh! Cuuuuuuhhhh! Cough cough! *choke*

We meet again ‘e - very - one’. The circle is now complete. *choke*choke*    *wheeeeeezzeeee*

He he. I’m back!

Yes blogging will resume at last. Cause now at least I can see better. For those of you who have been concern, I’m better now. Things are still blur but I can manage much better now. I think and hope it will all be back to normal soon.

A lot has happened in this past two weeks. I think I could have done 20 posts with what has happened. I think I will try to write a little by little of what happened. A dear friend, colleague and fellow laborer in the field has left to be with the Lord and it has been rather difficult for me to deal with it. Honestly though we have only known each other for such a short period, I still grieve losing him. I will tell you all more when I have wrestled through this pain.

Remember I told you all that there were two things I am so happy about? Well I’m losing grip of the second thing. I feel in fact I have lost it totally. That brings greater grief to my soul. It has been really dark inside. Still the light and hope God gives has carried me through. This season is a season of hope. Tonight I will be conducting the choir at Orchard Road. I hope we do really well!

Yesterday I received SUPER GREAT news! It was news that is probably the best in the world now to me! Things have been so painful and this is indeed something I’m so happy for. Brother, congratulations! You have the one thing I really desire. All the things I have are really just meaningless. But you have received the best in the entire world.

This news was the best news to me yet it is also the hardest to receive at the moment. In fact it multiplies the pain a huge lot. Because I’m just going through a moment that no words can describe. This tension of Joy and Hope contrasting with the pain and despair is certainly amazing. Man, I hate being an artist.

Still it is a season of celebration! The Lord is Come! What a great season to remember it is not about how I feel but what He has done! Oooooo Christmas! What a great time of the Year! It’s the most wonderful time of the Year!

Hehe this is my method of reading in front of the computer

Arrrrrr! Hehehe. I think only Adino will get it. Haha. I have officially become the one eyed pirate. Har har. Some people are wondering how I can joke about it. Well, I don’t see a point in moaning about it.

As you all have come to know through the earlier post, I have vision problems now in my left eye. This has caused me to be really really disorientated over the past few days. Today, I think I have adjusted to it. Everything is still blurry but I think I can see better hence being able to type this blog!

So I’m contemplating whether I should ride the bike to work…..I see some eyes rolling already hahaha.

What is the problem with my eye? It is diagnosed as Central Serous Retinopathy. I can only read that today so sorry I couldn’t tell anyone who called earlier. So hard to pronounce it la. Plus the fact that I couldn’t read. So I gave you the lay man explanation like this:

As you can see in the picture above. This is how a normal eye looks like. There is a nice ‘dip’ curvature in the center and the retina (look at the blue and green picture). Well that is my right eye which is normal.

My left eye however is like the picture above. You see a blue cavity in the green area and that it also no longer has a dip and swelled up. There is a leakage of liquid hence causing it to swell up. There are no known causes for it. The more certain causes are stress and steroids. Well there isn’t a treatment for it unless I laser the leakage. Doctor feels it is unnecessary to do so for in most cases it usually heal in 3-4 months. I’m not on any medication or anything because basically nothing can be done.

I checked it out in Wikipedia and yeah what the doctor says is true unless his diagnosis is wrong. I’m going for a second opinion tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it.

I hate going to the doctors for two reasons. One was when I had my ear problem. I kept going to doctors until I was scared and I paid huge sums of money and well all they say is basically nothing can be done like in this case. They say you can try this and try that and well the side effects were permanent on my body until today. Also as a kid I was always costing my parents more than they could afford by being a sickly child. I would constantly fall sick. So seeing doctors is really a nightmare for me.

In this 3 weeks I will be seeing the doctors 4 times. It is like a nightmare again. Not to add that the cost of seeing them is ridiculous. But I have the responsibility to take care of my body hence I am taking all effort to make sure I will be well soon.

Do pray for me. Without clear vision, my work is harder. I see the computer screen almost all day. Now it tires me out just typing this post. I hope it gets better very soon. Also next month I’m going back to bible school. There are some pre-assignments and also a lot of reading. Sad part is I can’t read. So that is going to be a huge issue. Pray that is will heal quickly as I really need to start reading again this week.

I want to thank all who have been praying and are concerned. I’m sorry but I don’t think I would like to talk about it much. Life goes on. Just keep me in your prayers that will comfort me through these times.

Making the situation so much more difficult also is the leaving of Pastor David Yeo to be with the Lord. I want so much to write something here for him. At the moment I can’t. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to. I wish I could have said a last goodbye. The last words he said to me keeps ringing in my head. Sighs. Lord I know he is in a better place now. But please bring comfort to Sis Sharon and Joshua.

Hi everyone, I’m Apple

I know some of you have been asking what is it that I’m so happy about. Yes you read it right. So I don’t need to blog already? Hehe since the title says it all.

I got myself a Mac after selling all my notebooks. Not the office one of course. Hahah.

So wanna see some pics? I thought well some of you were curious about my room. And I didn’t want to show you because…you’ll seee hahaha. Oh well feast your eyes on Ap-ple. That’s her name. You must say it hongkie style. Aaap-pole. Hahahhaa. Read the rest of this entry »

All’s Well Ends Well….I remember hearing that before. I certainly hoped so in my case. Apparently though, it doesn’t matter what I think, life has a way to get a hold on you.

I’ve been sick for more that a week now. I’m sooooo weary of it. Sleeping is hard. Eating is hard. Everything is hard. I have so many posts waiting to be written but at such trying moments in my life. I just can’t seem to post all the good things that are happening. Will people misunderstand and think of me as insensitive to post happy things while we all are anxiously waiting to know if something good will come out of our difficult moment?

Should I seize the moment and celebrate God’s goodness even though the storm and winds blow?

Well Oh Well……I don’t know.

There is so much good happening to me but at the same time I can’t bear to see the pains that go on around me.

So let me say this to everyone who reads what I have to say. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, it will never change the fact that God is good. It will never change the fact that I love Him and He loves me. So if I were to lose it all. I will still praise. If I were made to be a fool. I am a fool for Him. If I am weak, He is strong. If I am poor, He is rich.

Whoever is out there who doesn’t think life is kind. Whoever thinks that there is no hope for a better tomorrow. Don’t let the devil lie to you. My God will rescue you if you just call.

Jesus Loves me, this I know. If you can understand the profoundness of this statement, you will have all the answers to life.

Still I am human…..I would like to share a song that always provokes me to rethink through my doubts and fears. It leaves me just in awe at the end. You got to hear this song. Lord help me be, Like the Wind and the Waves

The Wind and the Waves - David Phelps

Words & music by Amy Susan Foster &
Jeff Pearson

All you had to do was raise your hand, speak the words,
“Peace, be still,”
And all the anger, all the fury of that raging storm surrendered to Your will.

Even the wind and the waves obey,
Why can’t I, why can’t I?
Where is my faith, is it lost at sea?
Lord help me be like the wind and the waves.

When the storms of life take me by surprise,
And my faith gets swept overboard,
I hate it when I give in to all my fears instead of trusting in You, Lord.

Even the wind and the waves obey,
Why can’t I, why can’t I?
Where is my faith, is it lost at sea?
Lord help me be like the wind and the waves.

Lord, save me from my unbelief.
Save me, oh save me.

Even the wind and the waves obey,
Why can’t I, why can’t I?
Where is my faith, is it lost at sea?
Lord help me be like the wind and the waves.

Lord help me be like the wind and the waves.
Save me. Oh, I want to be like the wind and the waves.

Losing someone you love is like having a part of you ripped out. It leaves a scar that never heals. Some larger than others depending on how much you need them in your life. You don’t love any less than the other because they all mean the world to you. In this life the fact is you have to depend on another and those who open themselves to be there for you are those you find hardest to let go.

I feel like parts of me are being ripped out of me slowly but surely. The worse part of it is that I have no control whether I lose them or not. It hurts so much that I cannot describe the intensity of the sorrow in my heart. Yet I am not allowed to lose control. I am writing this not because I’m sad or this is a terrible thing as I promised to blog about the good things of life. Surely you will understand why this is good if you follow me on this journey of words until the end.

I had lost the capability to love because I was fearful and afraid. I had my heart ripped out, torn apart and handed back to me in pieces. I never thought I could love again. I told myself that I will not let myself care for anyone in a way that will allow myself to get hurt. But then it happened, something good happened. I loved again.

I was thrown into a foreign place where I practically knew no one. Here was where I discovered I could love again. However now, the life of my dearest brother is threatened beyond my control. I can do nothing but hear news of him. I don’t even dare go to the hospital because I’m ill and I just don’t want any remote possibility of things being worse than it already is. All I can do is pray. Please pray with me for God’s mercy on his life.

In this past month, two of my most beloved friends have somehow turned the cold shoulder to me and I am devastated. I wish they only would know that I love them. Now the life of one of the only family I have here is being threatened and I can’t control anything. Oh God, please help me understand. I hardly even had the chance to know him. But you put this love in us that unites us as one because of You. Hear us, O God. Let him live. Please. Yet not my will be done but Yours.

Still I am grateful for this gift of love you’ve given us. The ability to love unconditionally. To be loved and to give love. As long as I have breathe, I will proclaim that You are good and Your love endures forever.

Pastor David Yeo, we at Grace love you. We will pray and believe for a miracle.

A month back….yes I know this is way overdue but I have to write about it because of two reasons.

Reason 1:

I was going through my organizer then realised that I haven’t handed in my assignment for bible college that I was to complete after attending this seminar. Only after I open it did I realise that I was to hand it in at 3pm at it was already 630pm. I’m so in trouble. So as I opened up the file, then I saw to my surprise that I typed a response to God in those moments of Him speaking to me.

I was so moved during some of the sessions that I just wrote this (below) when Gary Haugen spoke. Not only that, I bought all his books that were available there. So thinking about the seminar I have to write about what I experienced. Do you all want me to post what I wrote for my assignments? Its a summary and review of what I learnt.

Reason 2:

It is a yearly seminar that I have attended for two years in a row now. I will be attending the next two years too because I’m going to host it in my church and basically, I am put responsible for it in a way. Creatively speaking I’m excited. Reality wise, I am dumbfounded by all the limitations we are given.

Still this seminar is one I will not miss. This year was just pheonomenal for me. It was just so crystal clear to me in those moments why I had been created. Why God made me who I am and placed me where I am at. I would encourage those who want to have a bigger perspective on life to attend this seminar though it says it is for leaders. All of us are leaders in our own ways I believe. Some with more responsibilities than ourselves.

Well last year it made a huge difference in my life. This year even more. Next year I pressume I will be leaping in excitement or maybe collapsing in exhaustion hahaha.

So here it is anyway, what I wrote: Read the rest of this entry »

It was supposed to be a retreat. Hmm. In Malaysia that’s supposed to mean like retreat away from work. But it seems like nowadays the word retreat means a whole lot of different things. So here we are having a Pastoral Retreat which means pastoral meeting somewhere not in the office but nicer. Hahaha. Amusing.

Where did we go? Sentosa…..13 years of not going to Sentosa, I’m going there for a retreat!……..meeting actually hahaha. Still I wanted to make the best of it. So I took pictures haha. They were wondering why this Leon is weirdly snapping away on something as casual as their retreat. So here are some pictures to share with everybody.

We went to a place called Sentosa Cove and basically was meeting at Marina Club. First thing I really liked about it were the boats I will never be able to own in my entire life!

Sooo Stylish leh

Some boats

More Boats

Man! I wished I owned one. So nice. There were so many of them. Probably owned by rich people around Singapore. So we walked pass all of that talking about how we never will own one but still happy cause we are not covetous haha. Then we came to the meeting place. I thought it looked nice so here are some pics.

View from the outside

I really like the interior design

Meeting Room

Why are we waiting?

Oh nevermind lets have some tea

Lets just stand around a tiny tray….its so fun

Ooooo so nice la this motif

I really like this wall motif. So there we were waiting and just enjoying some coffee and tea. Then we proceeded to have lunch. I couldn’t help it but I had to take pictures of every dish. The soup was the yummiest. So nice!! I was starving. Ooohh I must mention. I like the chandelier so much tooo.

The Restaurant

I think my boss is hungry too

Super Duper Yummy Soup

Something Yammy

Dim Sum which I could not eat sobs….I took my first bite and there was prawns…got a slight reaction to it

Something more I couldn’t eat. I’m sure it was tasty though

Super tasty chicken with the skin super crispy and nice….oooohhh yummy

Then came the fish that was really good. REallly GOOD!

My favorite!!! Vegetables. Give me more….sadly one small bowl only

In every meal there must be rice or I will die! Hahah. Fried Rice here. Not bad

Then came mango pudding for desert.

I must say that I really liked the food. Quantity wise sobss not enough for a pig like me. But its a very nice place to eat. Sadly again its a place I will not be able to afford to come back to. Well that gave me an excuse to take all the pictures….Oh wait…the chandelier…..

Don’t you think its nice? I was really admiring it

OK oK now Mike is going to start complaining. Aren’t we supposed to meet? What is with all this eating? Hahaha. Well you know la, supposed to be a retreat la. So must la do a little to make us happy before torture us with the hours of meeting right? Haha. So now here we are meeting for hours.

I see nobody is sleeping yet

My Super Boss!

Finished meeting!

We finished before it was dark! Haha thank God. I don’t think I’m able to withstand more. Information overload. It was like waaaa so much to remember. I also started to feel so inadequate. I’m grateful that it is not me who needs to be adequate but instead I just need to depend on my God who is adequate. Yes! I can do it! Right?

I got to the office early in the afternoon. Yeah that’s sooooo early hor hahaha. No la I worked late the day before so got to come in later la.

When I got to my desk I was pleasantly surprised by a new object on my very clean desk. I see some of you squinting your faces. Stop it! You look like a Pug My desk is neat other than the cobwebs made of PVC and copper. But what can I do? I’m trying to catch a fish…..ok ok I’m starting not to make sense to many of you but I think some of you will get it.

I can’t believe December is coming. The concert is nearer. sighsss….oopss diverted the topic again

Well, back to my new found object. It was placed on my desk with a little card on top.

It read something like this (Full details cannot be disclosed for the safety of those who wants to keep their privacy)

Dear Leon,

We’re sure your pet dog would have said this to you

Turn your compassion Godward, let him comfort you!

Ps.______ and Wife

The line that really struck me was about Loopsie saying the words on the gift was probably what Loopsy wanted to say to me. Here is what was given and why I nearly broke into tears the moment I read the words. ( can’t cry in my office)

I will always love you I promise

You’ll always be my very special friend

You have a special place in my heart

I enjoy being with you

It really felt as if at that moment, Loopsy who is now gone was right there whispering those words in my ears. I am even tearing as I pen this down. I miss her sooooooo bad. I am just grateful to God to use such means to assure me that she is in a better place.

Dear Loopsie,

I know I haven’t really deserve what you have given me but thank you for loving me and accepting me just as I am. I love you and pray that you are happy where you are at and no longer in pain. I just don’t know what to say except, thank you.

Your Brother,

Leon

Well here we are working in the office when suddenly Pastor walks up to me and hands me this. He said ” Leon since you have been around for a while now, you probably qualify as a CAMel” and he gave me this.

Hahaahaha. I’m officially a CAMel now!! Why CAMel? Well the ministry i’m involved in is the Creative Arts Ministry hence the CAM. So the adults call themselves CAMels and the youths CAMY. Pretty neat huh. Haha. But as you can see that badge is dated 2001. Hahaha it was just a tag he found while cleaning up his room and well gave it to me to encourage me. haha.

Oh well, it got me smiling and laughing. Thats probably worth more than money can buy right?