Do you realize that this word has been used and abused in a horrific way that it has lost its true meaning and significance? What does it mean to say we are sorry? What is it to be sorry?

I get really worked up when I hear the sorry word used as just a sympathetic expression or just a regretful feeling. It is so much more than that. Being sorry and saying sorry also means two different things.

Why I get worked up? Because I’m reflecting each time we say sorry to  God are we truly sorry and repentant? How much do we really care about saying sorry? To me it is one of the most important words in the entire world.

So each time you’re sorry, Please Think. Pause for 6 seconds, then realize if that is the right thing to say because sorry means: Read the rest of this entry »

Grace in simple term is just something given to you that you don’t deserve. Especially in terms of when you’re supposed to be punished but it was given to you as relief of that punishment. But whats even more amazing about God’s grace is that He doesn’t only take away the punishment but blesses you and assures you of His love.

Today that word brought about again a deeper meaning. To know that a terrible man like me deserved to be loved by a God that has so much grace. I do not deserve it but He has lavished blessings upon blessings upon my life.

I woke up with much anticipation as I would be handed keys to this:

It has been bestowed upon me the rights to use this bike. Thinking back. Just slightly over three months and I have been blessed with amazing things again and again. Now I’m speechless. Just awed by the grace shown to me.

What do you think? I never thought I’d be riding a purple colored bike haha. Still it is just amazing. Now bikerz adventures will resume hahaha on my Daelim motorcycle, which has been loaned unto me indefinately.

Some of you would be really glad to know that this bike can’t go fast at all. Haha. So I’ll  be cruising my way across the island. Still its good to have the wind in my face again….I better wash it more if not pimples will be a problem hahaha.

I must say it is a good bike and will certainly help me cut tonnes of time travelling and fuel costs too. Still all that fills my head is just the word GRACE. Thank you all for loving me so much too. Am I a blessed man or what? What should I name her?

Here’s how it goes….I received an sms from a friend telling me wonderful news! Lea Salonga is coming to town for a musical! My heart beat raised 10 notches up it’s normal BPM. I have to go. I have to!

For those who don’t know, I have blogged that she is my favoritest singer of all time. But the price, well, I’ll pay anything. Still it was wiser to just calm down before I made a decision. So I thought about it then this thought popped in my head. How am I supposed to be going alone? My heart beats another 10 notches faster. That would be no fun at all. But I don’t know who to ask out. This has to be a very special night for me. A momentous occasion. And I want to go out with someone special.

So I decided by faith to do this. I bought two tickets! The concert is in January and I hope to go with someone special on that day! The tickets are costly but I certainly want to make this a night I will never forget. Heart is beating out of control!!!

The date and time has been confirmed. 11 January 2009 . 8pm . Partner…..is non-existent at the moment. Pray with me. I really want to just have a moment where time stands still. I can’t believe I am actually doing such a thing. Who knows it could just be a night with a very good friend or maybe even a day where Leon works up the guts to ask perhaps a beautiful young lady for a date. Who knows? I certainly don’t.

It is not these tickets but I just had to put a pic for me to visualize it.

Maybe it is like I said about me being a ‘hopeless romantic’ meaning just hoping for my happily ever after once more. Maybe I will just end up watching it alone. I also wonder if people would actually appreciate that night with me. Oh no, I’m starting to doubt. I don’t know what got over me that I was just so so so like on another planet and now I have two tickets. What should I do?

Here I was thinking…..what in the world should I do on my off day, when someone asked me out for a movie. Wait! Hold back those reactions. It’s a guy. Wait!!!!! Hold back those reactions….we are both straight and he has a girlfriend. Hahahahhaaha

Oh well our target was to just see one movie. That was the plan. Then everything changed. When two people have apparently nothing to do….this is what happens.

*Phone rings*. Leon: Hello (manly sound), so how what do you think? 1030am the movie starts.

Anonymous (to protect the identity so that you all won’t harass him) : Ok la. How we going to get there?

Leon: Err…… Read the rest of this entry »

The view from the rooftop garden that we were going to makan at

I’m fascinated by lights so much. Fireworks and anything that glows just make me feel happy. I don’t know how to describe the feeling I have but it just sparks a warm glow deep inside me.

So I was asked by a friend to come for a little fellowship with the choir members celebrating the mid-autumn festival. What I didn’t expect was to be holding a long lost favorite toy of mine. Lanterns. Oh how they bring back memories. I remember walking around proudly with that little lantern around the neighborhood.

Nice? I trying to take blur (I don’t know whats the term) images

Fellowship so sweet

Now it felt odd like I was that little kid again but you know what?  I liked it. Hahaha. The lights were just so nice. Of course the fellowship was nice too as I got to know some of the people so much better. Initially I was hesitant but because this friend means so much to me here and also for her effort to really be such a good friend, I obliged at first but was happy I went.

Cute Lanterns

Nemo

I said something last night that was stupid which I don’t even know why it came out that way and I’m so sorry to that person. Thank God she was gracious to the silly me. I miss my friends back home so so much. I am grateful for the friends that have accepted me here too. I pray that our friendships will always reflect God’s glory.

Have you ever wanted to be famous? Be recognized for your gifts? I have. It was quite recent that I had a spell where I felt like I was nobody and that my life and gifts were just so unappreciated. In fact I feel like I have no gifts at all. Don’t ask me why I felt that way but I certainly did. Personally I have been finding it hard to take it in because there are a huge amount of people looking down on others. I just don’t get why artists are so arrogant.

Oh well my dreams of being a superstar is often thwarted by the fact I just want the recognition without the fame and fortune. Maybe I will have to die like our dear Vincent. One day a song may be written about me that is as beautiful as ‘Starry, Starry Night’.

Oh well today, I finally get the feeling of what a green screen video shoot feels like. Very interesting. In the pic you see my boss working on his script. Behind is the green screen so we can add visual effects perhaps? Make it Star Wars like hahaha. No la just joking.

I just had three lines to say. But again a problem arose. I am supposed to smile and talk. I did but smiling made my eyes too small. Sigh……looks like I am not photogenic. That means stardom is far from what I can achieve. I’m probably one that will die and nobody will remember my face. Hahaha. As long as I am remembered then I guess it’s ok.

Still I know I’m no superstar nor am I meant to be one. I just hope that I can live with my ego bruised and pray that God will take pride in this broken vessel.

At long last, today, I got to sink myself in the vast coolness of a bluish chlorine filled pool. Ok ok that didn’t sound exciting….hahaha but it surely was exciting. So much so I was so eager to rush out of the house that I forgot my towel the first time. Then I forgot my keys the second time. Hahha.

Boy was I shivering when I got in but I just put on my Arena goggles, kicked started my engine and went into it at full speed to warm myself. Oh it was just amazing! Just so relaxing. I’m going to do it again definitely tomorrow. Anyone care to join me? Hahaha.

That being said, its a nice pool. It even has small waterfalls and a slide. I wonder if I can fit in it…..hmmm. Went to try to go up to the gym but I couldn’t go up I’m not sure why. Plus I found that there was a snooker table there too. Nice. If only I could find a partner to play with.

Perhaps if I keep this up, I can lose the weight I gained from my sad sad past. Hahaha. I just feel like singing ‘just keep swimming, just keep swimming’ but I don’t remember where I heard it from. Does anyone of you remember?

We were at camp and people were asking me whats the difference between an Emu and an Ostrich? Well this is an Emu!! That’s the look people give me when they hear what I do. hahaha

I’ve had this question thrown at me a million times. What do you actually do? Hahaha. It is a hard question to answer. Somehow when I explain what my job is, people think I don’t have much to do. It is puzzling why whenever anything is associated with the arts people cannot quantify it as work. I mean what is so hard to understand? I do work…..I don’t sit around and shake my leg and get paid. Haha.

In my line of work it is just not something people can relate to. Deadlines and schedules and paperwork is something everyone can relate to but what in the world does Leon actually do??! This post is an attempt to justify that I am working very very hard! Hahahahaha Read the rest of this entry »

It was Saturday night. I was weary from work. Dragging my feet home with the feeling like I didn’t want to even shower I lay on my bed. This is going to be a long night. A very long night. Before I knew it, I dozed off. Suddenly…..I just was jerked by the thought that I’m late! And Yes I AM LATE!

Tomorrow is going to be a very exciting day and I am not prepared at all. I am moving to a new place! With a swimming pool, gym and tennis courts. Two beautiful parks reside at both ends of the condo and I just am truly sooooo excited. But I have not packed anything up yet!!!!!

At last though after much stuffing and stepping, I fit everything in except the load of clothes that I just hanged up to dry. By the time I got to lay my head on the pillow here for the last time it was 4 am. But not long later I was jerked up by the sound of my alarm clock. I quickly got dressed then rushed to church carrying two boxes of stuff that made me take a taxi in the end though it burnt a hole in my pocket sob sob.

In the back of my head I just kept thinking about moving but I had so many things and responsibilities too. I had a meeting in the afternoon to attend. At last it has come the time to move but it is already 9pm. My pastor was kind enough to drive the church van for me and the church helper also came. I was so touched that they were so willing to help.

By the time we were headed to my new nest, I was drenched in sweat and my heart was beating a whole lot faster. But soon very soon I will be home!! My home for the next few years! But the main attraction for me is the swimming pool.

This is a pic of the swimming pool from far. I haven’t even gone near it….sob sob

At last when we were done unloading everything into the room,  it was already 11pm. No chance to dip in the pool. Sigh. Until today I have yet to find the time to dip in the pool! Sob Sob.

My only consolation is that I am going back to my real home in Malaysia today! At last. At long last I will be able to go home. Excitement fills the air for this whole week. Oooo it is just a nice feeling ain’t it?

I wonder how many people are as excited to see me though….hmmm

Update: Sad news the Spam beats Comments terribly now 990-788

For those of you who have been concerned for me and praying for me, thank you. I think I am better now….but I’m not sure. It is too long a story to elaborate. I also am really backdated on my posts here. I promised some posts but really can’t find the time to deliver them ahhh!!

Still there is more to fear. I mean I am a full fledge Malaysian. Ever since I stepped here I always told of the fact that I love my country and I am proud to be Malaysian. Yet…..hearing things like……you’re Malaysian? You sound Singaporean…..and things like…..you don’t look Malaysian….has got me worried too. Am I transforming in just two months? Noooooo…

Recently the signs are showing…..I started out as a person in the MRT looking around and observing people with much interest. But now….it seems I have assimilated in. Let me tell you why. My bro brought his IPOD down the other time and made a joke, taking it off he said, I’m Malaysian now….putting it on, I’m Singaporean now. Yes, I tell you everywhere you walk you see people with wires dangling down their necks and walking at lightning speed.

I resisted from morphing into that being but is seems impossible to withstand anymore. I mean, I tried reading but because I had to stand most of the time and the train is moving, that leaves me with a massive headache in the end. So for a few weeks I just stood there. Then at last…….two days ago….I was walking with earphones on….

I noticed when some Malaysian friends came that I was walking faster then them. Oh no…..I’m not turning in to a Singaporean am I? Oh boy……

It has been some time since I blogged, and don’t worry I have not neglected this blog and no it is far away from dying an unnatural death. My target is to beat Adino’s 400th post and go far and beyond. Congrats ‘Si Fu’! Just that blogging is part of my life now. Only thing the adjustment to the new life has certainly got me all unable to catch up with even reading the comments some times.

Does the title of this post catch your attention? It got me thinking today. I had been here, just making it through some of the roughest moments of my life. Still yet the perception people get about me is that I’m happy, friendly, nice, and just so well to do! All assume that all is well with me. I also assumed all is well. I feel great I mean I have had more dreams come true in these few months than in almost all the many years of my life put together.

Then something happened that startled me. The sight of blood coming from my own body, First thought, was that from me? I mean am I bleeding? How could I be bleeding? I’m fine. I checked and realised, the blood was mine indeed. Now this means I really have to go to the doctor as this is not a very good symptom. Why am I bleeding……! I mean there is no pain….

In a state of utter shock, I sat on my chair and emotions flood my body like a massive waterfall. I was losing control. I was shaking. I had mastered pain so much that I was living on it. Pain is what drives me each day. It probably lets me know I’m alive but to a greater extent became the very essence of my everyday life. So much so I was hurting all over and I didn’t know it consciously. I mean I was sitting there, and I realised there was pain where it bled from. I never realised all this time.

When I started to realise that pain, thats when my emotions flood me with all the pain I was hiding inside me. People often talk about a low threshold but here I was constantly raising the threshold bar and I didn’t realise it. I am hurting. Real badly emotionally and physically my body was washed out by my abuse of it. I can only pray the bleeding is not the beginning of a disaster to come but a reminder by the One on high to realise that I am killing myself.

I remember Pastor preaching about pain being a gift. A sign and gift from God to help us realise something is wrong. Something is really wrong. The good news is that I realise now partially that there is a problem. The bad news is I cannot fathom the extent of the damage already done.

The good news is I have a good God who can easily remove all these hindrances. The bad news is I am not sure if I had numbed so much pain that I cannot hear Him too. I should have realised in those quiet moments why I was tearing so much. There was so much pain inside. At least I have a promise that I can release all my burdens because God cares for me. Certainly this is what I’m going to try. Yet, I am afraid, shaken.

Watching the Olympics I see every athlete trying to break the pain barrier. Looking at those ladies lifting up 154kg was painful! I remember reading an interview with a top gymnast and she was asked what was key to her being able to be a gymnast. Her answer was, how much pain she could bear. Looking at them it surely hurts but they have become used to it. Is that really good? The world certainly teaches us its good if you want to be successful to do so. But should we really be ignorant of that fact that we’re in pain. How many of us can actually know our limits? Seeing the weight-lifter’s elbow snap certainly told me that it is a very risky business. In life one casualty is called acceptable losses but in the kingdom of God, there is no such thing as acceptable losses. You either make it or you break it!

I now know that success does not lie in how much pain I can bear or even how long I can bear it. It is about realising that the pain we bear can be carried by someone who did so on the cross over two thousand years ago. He is willing and asks us to even cast it all upon Him for He cares for us. There is no glory here in winning any medal for being the most successful in your own right. There is only a prize awaiting all those who wait upon the Lord for they shall renew their strength, they shall mount up on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Are you carrying, burying, hiding, numbing, ignoring, covering, concealing, distorting or maybe even owning your pain? It is not yours to carry. God will carry it for you. When we stop trying to master our pain and start realising who is the master of our pain then life will indeed reach its fullest potential and glory for our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Who is the Master of Pain? You…..???

On a more serious note, pray for me. If the bleeding doesn’t stop, it means something VERY BAD is happening to me. Even if it stops, reading up on it has made me also see that it could be a prelude to something even worse.

I’ve been laughed at, mocked, ridiculed, stoned and even persecuted for many years because of this. I mean give me a break it is not my interest nor my art. Yet this is something I cannot escape. For our need to partake of this thing call food has driven man to creatively and instinctively go the distance. But as for me, I am a simple man. I eat to live, not live to eat. If I could, I would want to be able to sustain my life without the constant need to become hungry and eat.

Still God has made me this way but unlike my father and brother who have this distinct joy in the area of food. I really don’t share the same enthusiasm. Worse still, I mean cooking!! Why is it so hard, can’t we just eat it raw? Well I have to admit even though I dislike eating even raw food can be rather distasteful. So well I left the cooking to my family members all these years since they find pleasure in it.

Since I have been here, I have only had the pleasure of eating home-cooked food once. The rest of the time I’m out eating or stuffing myself with my favorite cornflakes. Once in a blue moon I cook a little instant noodles to whet my appetite but I really miss the food back home. Singapore food is just not as good. Sigh.

So I embarked on a mission today since I finally get to be home early. I decided to cook! Muahaha. Yes I can feel the eyes staring at me and all that ‘what!’ faces. That’s why I wrote my first sentence! My culinary skills is nothing to shout about but I really thought I’d try to save some money and cook. I got out my ingredients and with no idea or plan. I cooked. If cooks were to see me cook, they’d faint. I won’t tell you what I did lest I be laughed at again.

In the end, I cooked myself a meal! Yes I did, and the kitchen didn’t burn down. In fact I cooked myself a sumptuous meal. Too much! Haha. I cooked a meal that at least 3 people could consume. Worse still I was planning to in the end cook instant noodles to eat with the dishes but I realised it wouldn’t taste nice with noodles. So I cooked rice instead haha. Here is what the dishes looked like.

My recipe of Potato Stew, Broccoli, Egg omelet with carrots and sausages. What do you think? Its not as beautiful as the picture above but well I’m extremely satisfied and happy. I have achieved something I have never achieved in my life. I am so proud of myself. I think though this is not going to happen again for a long long time. Hahahaha.

Least to say, I didn’t manage to finish even half of everything. So I have remainders for at least two more days. Hehehe. Do I deserve some praise?

We continued on to the end of the park where we reached the bridge named Henderson Waves. Oh boy was it a sight to behold. It was beautiful and it connects Mount Faber to Hilltop walk. Another park.

Henderson Waves….

A view on the bridge

At the end of the bridge Read the rest of this entry »

I woke up to my phone ringing and got a call telling me that my friend is down here and if I was free to meet up with him. Immediately I said yes because this is a friend (Elroi) I have not been able to spend time with for years. Excited as I was, I had to make sure I had everyting ready and off I was to meet him and his family.

So as we were eating breakfast, I asked him about his plans for the day and he said he had none. Then I offered to take him around. Very clever of me since I have no idea where to go or how to go around haha. Oh well, I was all ready to have an adventure around and so was he, so lets go!

After settling some things, we proceeded to our first destination. Chinatown. Here we walked around while he took loads of pictures. He loves photography and therefore brought a nice camera along in which the pictures in this post all belongs to him.

First stop Chinatown Read the rest of this entry »