Losing someone you love is like having a part of you ripped out. It leaves a scar that never heals. Some larger than others depending on how much you need them in your life. You don’t love any less than the other because they all mean the world to you. In this life the fact is you have to depend on another and those who open themselves to be there for you are those you find hardest to let go.

I feel like parts of me are being ripped out of me slowly but surely. The worse part of it is that I have no control whether I lose them or not. It hurts so much that I cannot describe the intensity of the sorrow in my heart. Yet I am not allowed to lose control. I am writing this not because I’m sad or this is a terrible thing as I promised to blog about the good things of life. Surely you will understand why this is good if you follow me on this journey of words until the end.

I had lost the capability to love because I was fearful and afraid. I had my heart ripped out, torn apart and handed back to me in pieces. I never thought I could love again. I told myself that I will not let myself care for anyone in a way that will allow myself to get hurt. But then it happened, something good happened. I loved again.

I was thrown into a foreign place where I practically knew no one. Here was where I discovered I could love again. However now, the life of my dearest brother is threatened beyond my control. I can do nothing but hear news of him. I don’t even dare go to the hospital because I’m ill and I just don’t want any remote possibility of things being worse than it already is. All I can do is pray. Please pray with me for God’s mercy on his life.

In this past month, two of my most beloved friends have somehow turned the cold shoulder to me and I am devastated. I wish they only would know that I love them. Now the life of one of the only family I have here is being threatened and I can’t control anything. Oh God, please help me understand. I hardly even had the chance to know him. But you put this love in us that unites us as one because of You. Hear us, O God. Let him live. Please. Yet not my will be done but Yours.

Still I am grateful for this gift of love you’ve given us. The ability to love unconditionally. To be loved and to give love. As long as I have breathe, I will proclaim that You are good and Your love endures forever.

Pastor David Yeo, we at Grace love you. We will pray and believe for a miracle.

So there will be no posts for the time being. I just need to rest. I’m too stressed up with everything. I need to find answers. Find moments of solitude before God.

I hope that you all have been enjoying my blog so far. And I hope to be able to really share my joys again with you soon.

Pray with me. I really really need answers. Answers only God can give. Thank You

Yours truly,

Leon